You know when you get an idea… a really good one (so you think).  You obsess over it for the entire day.  You begin researching and sharing your idea with your closest friends.  You dream about what it, what it would be like and the details that you would choose.  How it would look, how it would feel… Oh all the excitement.  It travels through you like coffee on steroids.  The possibilities are endless!  Success is guaranteed!  Theres no way you could fail!!! You can’t even sleep because the idea is just swirling around in your head. Sure theres a lot of what-ifs and theres quite a few parts you have absolutely no clue about but that doesn’t matter right now because YOU ARE EXCITED!!!

Then you wake up.

All of the sudden the excitement is gone and in it’s place is… reality. That bitch. (yeah, I said it, because we were all thinking it)

Reality can really suck sometimes.  It sucks the life right out of your excitement.  You are left with how much money it would actually cost, how many people it would actually take, how much time, how much energy… Then this amazing idea turns into a absolutely terrible idea.  They are not as exciting.

They are paralyzing.

You don’t know what to do now. Yesterday you had purpose and today your have a brick wall.  Yesterday you had imagination running wild and today you have a dead end street. You had promised yourself that you would do something great with your life and yet all your ideas have ended at the same place, reality.

This just happened to me. I’ve have a dream of flipping houses for my career.  I have worked on projects for other people and I have improved the value of every house I’ve bought but I have yet to flip a house.  I have the talent or so I believe, at the height of my excitement… and I have the knowledge, well when I have the talent.  But when reality hits, so does fear and doubt.  All of the sudden my insecurities are running ramped like a shaved cat going after a ball of yarn… its awkward but you can’t look away.  I just focus on my insecurities, I can’t look away. Instead of my obsession being my great idea it is my lack of commitment when things get hard, and my lack of experience, my naiveness, my poor estimating skills……. they go on forever.

So what do you do?

You ask a question, then another, then another, then another.  Keep asking questions.

Start with your insecurities.

Why do I lack commitment when things get hard?  Because I am afraid of failing.

Why? Well, because failing sucks! I will be a failure. And possibly bankrupt.

How can you do it without the risk of bankruptcy? Have a partner?

What constitutes failing? How can you gain experience? How can you learn more about the process? Just keep going.  These questions are actually steps in disguise.  They are keeping you in motion(M’lea, I’m talking to myself here) Stay in motion.  Keeping going, you will get there.  Excitement is just a feeling.  Its not to be trusted.  It doesn’t mean the idea is really that great but on the flip side the lack of excitement doesn’t mean the idea is that bad.  Keep asking questions, eventually you will know if it is worth the risk or if it really is a terrible idea.

 

I have been waiting to post/journal.  I saw somewhere that Tuesday mornings at 8 am is the best time to post.  But now writing this, I realize I have told like two people this thing exists so I guess that statistic doesn’t really apply to me.  Anyhow, I waited.

I wanted to post about the wonderful weekend we had and all the fun stuff.  But currently I have a little annoying headache that is ruling my life.  It’s shortening my patience and blocking my common sense.  I think my baby has an ear infection and the combination of that with my headache is a recipe for disaster.  Her random whine is like nails on a chalkboard.  I hold out my hands to scoop her up and she just shakes her head, no.  Fine.

Do you want eggs? No! Do you want cereal? No! Do you want milk? Juice? ICE CREAM, what the heck child, how to I get you to stop crying?????

Change the subject, M’lea!

What have I been doing?  Trying to be better at getting/keeping this house clean.  Yesterday I went in to our beautiful yet wrecked playroom to clean it up.  It was my first time in weeks to set foot in there.  I moved stuff and vacuumed, moved and vacuumed until it was tidy and clean.  (note to self: don’t vacuum over crayon bits, they don’t get picked up, they just scrap across the floor leaving streaks of red and orange) When I was finished I walked out to find a new mess all over the coffee table and Jo with a green cheek.  What the heck, why do I even try??? Maybe my method of tossing it all in a gigantic pile in the playroom really is the best thing to do.  It doesn’t take much time and there is no resentment attached to it… not like the resentment I felt after all that.

Well, there you go, hope you have a great day… I am going to try and be optimistic about mine but I just have a feeling the way the morning has gone is how the rest of the day will go… We will see.

Isn’t that what we are all looking for?  We are all looking for our place in this world.  What should we choose as a career, who should we spend this life with, should we have kids, if so how many, how should we spend our money, how should we spend our time, is there a God, what does my life look like if I believe in Him, how do I take care of this body.  Thats pretty much what I’ll be blogging/journaling about.  This is not to make money, or have the most followers.  I actually don’t plan on telling anyone this even exists, at least not right now.

I am not a professional, not at anything really.  I struggle in every area of my life and I’m starting to embrace that fact and educate myself in those areas.  I am really loving expressing myself on here because if I were to tell someone that last sentence, they would immediately disagree out of obligation to make me feel better.  But the truth is, I am not a pro.  I lack education and experience.  However, I do plan on gaining both of those.  I just have to decide the direction I want to go in.  Insert this blog.  My soul searching, self analyzing, emotional and intellectual dissecting tool.

So my way, right now is to ask myself some hard questions, read books, talk to people I admire and fill you in along the way.  Then hopefully, in a few weeks, or a few months or a few years I’ll be able to say, I am a pro at… fill in the blank.  I am excited to find out what the thing or things are.  Arn’t you???