Baby #4

Things have been a little crazy. I started to brainstorm about W+P back in October of last year. In November, I advertised the first mini retreat. In December I posted the dates for all for retreats; one in January, April, July and October. In January, I held the first retreat at my house and then shortly after found out I was pregnant… due in October. Literally the day after the retreat ends. If you haven’t noticed I have sent all my energy to the retreats. When I’m not pregnant I have about 50% the energy of most normal people… while pregnant I have about 50% of that, so keeping up the pace I set back in November was nearly impossible. I have my eye on what needs to be done today or this week but I don’t look that much further ahead then that.

Because of this lack of energy I have let my blog go, the awesome Facebook group I started hasn’t been posted in for about a month. I took a break from the LifeGroup and have focused all my extra time, when I’m not running after my kiddos, to the retreats.

So far I have had three. All have been wildly different, and I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned. WELL + PLENTY has changed my life and I believe it is making drastic changes in other women which is thrilling. All I ever wanted was to make a difference and love what I do. These first six months of 2018 have more than made up for the awfulness of 2017. I can’t imagine what the next six months will look like.

Incase you missed it, somehow, (must have your head in the sand) but we are pregnant with our forth child. The only child we have ever tried for. Yep! Just a little TMI for ya… I was on a slew of medications for my migraines back in 2007-2009, I felt like a zombie. So I came to a place where I wanted to know what it felt like to be normal me, just me, no meds. Not even birth control because to be honest that stuff was messing with me just as much as the other meds. So we made the decision that if I got pregnant then it would be ok… but I got pregnant in like a week. It was soooooo fast. My first pregnancy was like a swift kick in the pants or just a plan backhand to the face. It was hard on me, physically, mentally and emotionally. It took me three years to recover! Zo was a surprise after cutting out yet another birth control, but this time it was a spiritual battle I was having with God about control. He won and I was glad for it. Jovie was soon after and it shook me. We were using… ummmm… condoms and to this day I can’t really explain how it happened but here we are!

The day we found out Jovie was a girl, I prayed and asked God for a boy. I had been waiting, patiently for one and really thought it would have already happened. In that moment I got a strong sense of “wait”. I felt like it was God but yet I couldn’t ever be 100% sure we would try again and if we did that it would be a boy, but I felt like thats what God was saying to me.

When Jovie was two, we decided to start trying again. Something was different. One month went by and two, three… seven and nothing. I never had a hard time getting pregnant, this must be the wait He was talking about. Finally month 8 I got a positive pregnancy test, a week after finding out we were moving. Great! I get to use the same midwife!! I was ecstatic and felt like I could see God’s timing all over my life. Two days after Christmas and about a week after the move I started to see signs of a miscarriage. A miscarriage that ended up taking two months to fully happen. It was devastating. It felt like a terrible joke had been played on me. I couldn’t understand why anything like this ever happened. Why babies? Why children? That tragedy sparked old sores within me. All of the sudden the flood gates opened and I found myself dealing internally with things from almost 15 years ago. Everything that had ever weighed on me weighed 5 times more. I was sad, all the time.  I didn’t have a home for 6 months. I didn’t have friends I was used to having close by. I didn’t have time to myself, I didn’t know what to ask for or do or think or say. I was stuck. I had slowed down plenty of times before but not to this extent. I had come to a complete stop with no clue how to get myself going again. “Just take a step” I heard this and said it to myself a number of times but I just remember thinking “If I knew what step to take I’d take it but I have NO FREAKING CLUE!!” I was mad that I couldn’t shake this feeling, that I couldn’t snap out of it. I lost my dog in June of last year, I cried much more that I thought I would. It was like the thing that finally released all the emotion. I cried to the point of not being able to breath. I loved my dog but that emotion was from years of hurt and pain that I had buried and new fresh wounds I had yet to decide what to do with.

That is where WELL + PLENTY came from and I believe this pregnancy came from WELL + PLENTY. From the joy and healing it brought me. And the icing on the cake… ITS A BOY!!! I seriously feel so bless and honored to get this specific desire of my heart handed to me. It took a good month to even start saying “he, his, him” instead of “it’s and theirs”.

I hope and pray that even in my low energy I can still maintain my passion for WELL + PLENTY. That I can still be obedient to what God has called me to do here. That I can still give Him the space to reach women, down in their busyness, pain, lack of self awareness or just simply herself.

If this is the first you have heard about W+P, first of all, I’m sorry. I could be posting more and putting more out there but this is all I could muster. Second, read the tab about WELL + PLENTY Mini Retreats. The next one is in July and I’d love for you to be a part of it.

The darkness feels as though it will last forever, it won’t. The light feels as thought it will vanish in a heart beat, it won’t. Learn from your pain, use it, and enjoy the light, experience all there is in it.

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