Where’s the update on my great real estate adventure? Eh… there isn’t one. I’ve looked up where I would like to get my license and when I would need to be in class but have I actually signed up yet, no. Why? Well, that is why I am writing today. I need to process what all is going on in my head.
I just spent a week with one of my closest friends. We have been friends for almost 20 years. Yup! She is so inspiring and challenges me to be a better wife, mother and human being. She stands for things, like really stands for them. If she cares at all she cares a lot. At the same time she lives such a beautiful life. I understand that I don’t see everything but the parts I do see are absolutely lovely. She has a garden and is a florist, she is minimal and cluttered in all the right places, she antiques better than Bon Jovi sings. This girl is awesome.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, I started to think about this dream that I have. And I started to think about what kind of foundation I was about to start building it upon. And I realized that it would be pretty shaky. The only thing I feel like I’ve been consistently good at is wifing. That is a big deal, I get it. But I can’t honestly say that I’m momming the way I would like to be, budgeting, or housekeeping the way I’d like to be. Ultimately, I would be running from becoming better at home, towards real estate to give myself an excuse as to why I’m so bad at all the other things. I need to pay closer attention to my basics.
First and foremost, my relationship with God. I just haven’t spent a lot of time in the Word or praying or anything. I tend to binge read for like one afternoon and then neglect for like a month. I know I want more time with him. I know that he is the firm foundation that I want to build the dream on and with. I know that deepening my love for him will trickle down into my mothering, wifing, and housekeeping. And I also know that when I feel secure in him I will more clearly see the reasoning behind my dream and if it is also the dream he has for me. Make sense?
Second, my mothering. Lately, I have been in survival mode. Not much patience, not a lot of grace, not a lot of fun. I really want to be all of those things. Everyday. My friend talked of a book she had just read. It talked about making the most of the moments in the morning. That first moment you see your kid, making sure it is a positive experience for them. How that moment sets the pace for then entire day. How that moment can make them feel like a blessing or a burden. I’m sad to say but even thought in my heart I see my kids as blessings, that first moment in our day has probably made them feel otherwise. If I change nothing else, I hope I can change that.
Third, budgeting. I’ve gotten a lot better at this, and I try really hard like 28 days out of the month, but just like you can ruin a diet in one meal you can ruin your budget in one purchase and that is what I have consistently done my entire adult life. Poor Stephen, he has got to be so tired of this. I won’t even ask, and that is the bad part. I’m like a child, who knows their parent will say no so they just do it. I spend and let him figure it out later, which leaves me with so much guilt but I wanted that “thing” so badly. Ugh. Typing this out is making me feel terrible… lets move on.
Housekeeping. I hate this one. Loath it actually. I am hoping that if I can get the budget in order I can squeeze out enough for a house keeper. I really just am terrible and have no desire to get any better. I can meal plan and grocery shop and cook. I can do dishes and laundry but everything else suffers. Then what happens is I decide to get it all done in one day and neglect my kids. My kids are more important than sweeping the floors. So I will delegate that to someone else to be able to have a peace of mind and more time to do more important things.
There is also the concept of having a healthy lifestyle, healthy kids and a healthy husband. Unfortunately this falls all on me. Stephen can make spaghetti and pancakes but not much more than that. However, he will eat anything I put in front of him so if I plan healthy meals most everyone will eat most everything. So I am wanting to take that to the next level and include fun activities and exercise.
All in all, I just want to have a better home life before I add a career. I will probably convince myself otherwise in a couple days. We will see.