Oh M’lea…

Where’s the update on my great real estate adventure? Eh… there isn’t one.  I’ve looked up where I would like to get my license and when I would need to be in class but have I actually signed up yet, no.  Why? Well, that is why I am writing today.  I need to process what all is going on in my head.

I just spent a week with one of my closest friends.  We have been friends for almost 20 years. Yup!  She is so inspiring and challenges me to be a better wife, mother and human being.  She stands for things, like really stands for them.  If she cares at all she cares a lot.  At the same time she lives such a beautiful life.  I understand that I don’t see everything but the parts I do see are absolutely lovely.  She has a garden and is a florist, she is minimal and cluttered in all the right places, she antiques better than Bon Jovi sings.  This girl is awesome.

Why am I telling you all this?  Well, I started to think about this dream that I have.  And I started to think about what kind of foundation I was about to start building it upon.  And I realized that it would be pretty shaky.  The only thing I feel like I’ve been consistently good at is wifing.  That is a big deal, I get it.  But I can’t honestly say that I’m momming the way I would like to be, budgeting, or housekeeping the way I’d like to be.  Ultimately, I would be running from becoming better at home, towards real estate to give myself an excuse as to why I’m so bad at all the other things.  I need to pay closer attention to my basics.

First and foremost, my relationship with God.  I just haven’t spent a lot of time in the Word or praying or anything.  I tend to binge read for like one afternoon and then neglect for like a month.  I know I want more time with him.  I know that he is the firm foundation that I want to build the dream on and with.  I know that deepening my love for him will trickle down into my mothering, wifing, and housekeeping.  And I also know that when I feel secure in him I will more clearly see the reasoning behind my dream and if it is also the dream he has for me.  Make sense?

Second, my mothering.  Lately, I have been in survival mode.  Not much patience, not a lot of grace, not a lot of fun.  I really want to be all of those things.  Everyday.  My friend talked of a book she had just read.  It talked about making the most of the moments in the morning. That first moment you see your kid, making sure it is a positive experience for them.  How that moment sets the pace for then entire day.  How that moment can make them feel like a blessing or a burden.  I’m sad to say but even thought in my heart I see my kids as blessings, that first moment in our day has probably made them feel otherwise.  If I change nothing else, I hope I can change that.

Third, budgeting.  I’ve gotten a lot better at this, and I try really hard like 28 days out of the month, but just like you can ruin a diet in one meal you can ruin your budget in one purchase and that is what I have consistently done my entire adult life.  Poor Stephen, he has got to be so tired of this.  I won’t even ask, and that is the bad part.  I’m like a child, who knows their parent will say no so they just do it.  I spend and let him figure it out later, which leaves me with so much guilt but I wanted that “thing” so badly.  Ugh. Typing this out is making me feel terrible… lets move on.

Housekeeping.  I hate this one.  Loath it actually.  I am hoping that if I can get the budget in order I can squeeze out enough for a house keeper.  I really just am terrible and have no desire to get any better.  I can meal plan and grocery shop and cook.  I can do dishes and laundry but everything else suffers.  Then what happens is I decide to get it all done in one day and neglect my kids.  My kids are more important than sweeping the floors.  So I will delegate that to someone else to be able to have a peace of mind and more time to do more important things.

There is also the concept of having a healthy lifestyle, healthy kids and a healthy husband.  Unfortunately this falls all on me.  Stephen can make spaghetti and pancakes but not much more than that.  However, he will eat anything I put in front of him so if I plan healthy meals most everyone will eat most everything.  So I am wanting to take that to the next level and include fun activities and exercise.

All in all, I just want to have a better home life before I add a career.  I will probably convince myself otherwise in a couple days.  We will see.

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